I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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