Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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