i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
