plz talk dirty to me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
