is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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