new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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