he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
