You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
