My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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