you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
