2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
