I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
