how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
