we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
