I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
