How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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