if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
