escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
