What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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