He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
