if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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