its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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