Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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