I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
