no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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