Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's never too late to be topless.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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