Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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