where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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