i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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