The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Found the puke drawer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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