Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
