A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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