Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
