there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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