If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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