Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
