Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
