Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
