my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
