I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
