May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
