I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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