I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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