But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
