I hate your face
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
