I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
