is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
