maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
