I cut my penus on the lid.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
