i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
