Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
