we're blogging at a bar
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
