he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
