grandma shit on top of the toilet
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do herpes really smell.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
