Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize