So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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