i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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