Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
