She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your cock deserves a montage
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
