I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
