what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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