I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
not ubering you a puppy
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
