There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
