She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
