Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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