Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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