Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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