Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
