If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
