I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
