Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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