I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
