i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
