I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My ATM looks so different sober.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
