oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm like, not good at living.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
