is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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