Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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