You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
