The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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