And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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